is this the more cooler version of a blog?

I am so sad because on Saturday I went out with my friend because we wanted to go to a party, but then there were two underaged boys and they played a song for us on the street and we got really good friends with them, and we went into a bar, and then they had to go somewhere because someone called them, and they wanted to come back, but then they didn’t come back for so long, and the bar started to be really stupid, so we decided to leave and we never saw our friends again. How can I find our friends again?

concert with friends

Yesterday my good friends Bret and Jemaine came to town. We had tea together and we talked a lot and they asked me for some tips (they have a band). They invited me to a private concert for me. Their band is called “Flight of the Conchords”. I invited all my friends to come look at the concert too and support Bret and Jemaine, because their band isn’t very big and they want to become a more international band. The concert was really good and a lot of people liked them. Here are some photos.

Here they were playing a song:

Here too:

Some of my friends that I invited:

This was when we were walking to the venue:

It was such a good concert, please support them to be more famous by looking on their website: http://flightoftheconchords.co.nz/ (they are from “New Zealand” which is like Australia but much smaller and less famous).

PS: Actually everyone came for my poetry reading but I told them to stay longer and watch the band too. So many people stayed.

poem to my friend

I chat with you
On gmail chat
Because we are best friends

But then you leave
And don’t say bye
And expect my heart to mend

review of the poetry event i created and was the only attendant of

Last night I invented the event where you invent poems about all your facebook newsfeeds. No one joined the event, but I did a lot. Here is a selection:

Someone said they are going jogging. 

you went jogging like a jogger
in the morning like a blogger
who gets up early to write stuff
and needs not pretend to be tuff
- poem invented by me

My friend is in Cannes and coming back to California.

you are in the big french land
and coming back soon
we’ll be friends again
from morning until noon
- poem invented by me about you being in france now and coming back to california where we will be friends a lot

My friend is really nice.

you have many friends on facebook
but i have even more
is it because i’m older 
or is it because i score
- poem invented by me about friends on facebook which could alternatively end with the word whore (because it rhymes)

My friend and I are going camping and to a concert.

there are so many things we’ll do
they’ll all be happening very soon
and they will be very cool
- poem invented by me

My friends and my friend should come visit us in San Francisco

dear carolyn i hope you’re fine
and come to visit us sometime!
- poem invented by me

I am going camping with this friend also.

we will all go camping
and do some heavy tramping 
with many animals around us 
that will make me run off like a wuss
- poem invented by me about our camping trip soon

They were waiting for their fan number 200.

you are waiting for fan number 200
i hope you find him soon
you have so much to offer
you make me wanna swoon
- poem invented by me

The camera was going to Berlin.

the diana is in berlin
a city up in germany
not quite vienna
disgustingly disturbingly 
- poem invented by me

His facebook group he made for me isn’t very popular.

your facebook group is disastrous
your efforts are laughtrous
you are a beginner on every level
- poem invented by me

He knew his shit about art and architecture in the Middle East.

you really know your shit
about art and architecture 
in the middle east 
like you could give a lecture
- poem invented by me

He was addicted to something I don’t know.

you are addicted to rocket bird 
a name that i have never heard
you know so many things i don’t 
but you share them all with me
- poem invented by me

She was tagged in two dark photos.

you were lovingly tagged
on two photos in the dark
i can’t see your face 
but i appreciate your place
- poem invented by me about two photos you were tagged in

He never reacts to my things where I write sweet things.

i write you sweet nothings
and pour out my heart
but all you do 
is tell me i’m smart
- poem invented by me (ps: you never told me i’m smart, i invented that)

He has two photos on his wall with a woman in a bathrobe.

a woman in a bathrobe
with alcohol in her hand
is standing on your wall post
with fingerprints of sand
- poem invented by me

I like her.

i think about you fondly
as i sit at home alone
i whisper of you softly
as itch my little toe
- poem invented by me

She became friends with three new people.

three new people are your friends
that’s a number i can count on one hand
you must be very unpopular
and uncool
- poem invented by me

She attended an event that was spam.

you are attending this event
of summer and diet
you didn’t read the invite
or you would have caused a riot
- poem invented by me

My event I made.

rhyming is my passion
that i have set in fashion
everyone’s invited
you your friends and i did
- poem invented by me

Last night my friend told me that my blog is really unpopular because I write too many long things, and no one wants to read them. People want to look at photos. I am so confused. Everyone only does “reblog” of nasty photos or cute ones. I am so much more creative than that, but I am also significantly more unpopular. A lot of people write stuff, and I follow them, and I don’t read it because it is so long and boring and never with any pictures, so it is probably true. Here is a picture now.

some photos i took with a camera

My friend Ia-Ching was really sweet and have me a “Diana Mini” camera from “Lomography”, because I wanted one. It can do nice stuff, and I was excited to try it. I tried it, and today I got the photos back. I am a bit unhappy with how they turned out, because most of them don’t look nice. Here are some.

This is my friend Nina.

We went out to a PARTY:

Then I was at “Bay to Breakers” (I wrote about it HERE)

Then I went to a BONFIRE:

Then I wanted to finish my film:

a fire on the beach

Last night I went to the beach to have a bonfire, because it was my good friend John’s birthday. I don’t know how old he turned. 

It was at Ocean Beach, which the beach where Cliff House is. I went to Cliff House once with my husband Simon and his friend Peter. We had breakfast there.

I went there with the bus 38. It drives down Geary all the way to that area. It’s a really long way, and if you search it on google maps it will say you take 40 minutes. It’s about right, because that is how long I took. I think it’s faster if you take the “38L”, which stops at less stops, but it didn’t stop on the place I got on, so I missed it. 

It took so long, I was listening to music the whole time. Then I was nearly there and the road got really bumpy. I noticed I have to pee so badly! 

By the time I got off I was alone on the bus. That never happened to me before in San Francisco (but a lot in Vienna). This is what it looked like:

The front:

The back:

I really had to pee, so I went to Cliff House. It is always hard to go inside somewhere and just pee, and not be a consumer, so I had to act really well. I went inside and pretended I was looking for my fancy friends who were having a fancy dinner (I didn’t look so fancy though, because I was dressed for a cold night on the beach). I went inside and I heard someone say: “And the toilets are downstairs”. They were people who had dinner there, so I knew they know. So that was good, because I didn’t have to look around pretending to look for my friends, but actually looking for a bathroom sign, so I was more natural. I went downstairs because I pretended my friends are downstairs. Everyone believed me because no one asked me anything. Then I went to the bathroom. I had to wait for a bit, and then I went inside and it was huge and clean. 

A long time ago, when I visited New York with my father, we had to look for a lot of bathrooms all the time. My dad always wanted to go to the bathroom because his bladder is really badly trained. So we always looked for places to go to the bathroom. We had a really good business idea where we would write a book with all the bathrooms you could go to. There would be categories like this: 1) How easy is it to get inside without consuming? 2) Where is it located (so you can pretend you know where you are going and look less like someone looking for a free poopertunity) 3) Is it clean? Does it look nice? 4) Is there anything else there that is worth checking out?

 Then there would be a rating system. They would be toilet plungers or poops. Poops in a good way, because they would say: how comfortable is it to poop in this toilet? I still think this book is a good idea. I just don’t want to write it.

In the Cliff House bathroom I put on my extra sweater I brought. Then I went outside. I saw lots of bonfires on the beach from far. This is what it looked like (but you can’t see the bonfires on the photo):

I had a long way to walk, so I went. I enjoyed the walk because I was listening to music and I had a “moment”. 

When I got to the bonfires, I walked around them all. I had to find the right one (there were about 7 different ones, and it was dark and hard to see anything). I looked at every bonfire, but I couldn’t find the right one anywhere. So I wrote Brynn, who is John’s girlfriend and my classmate who invited me to the bonfire, and she told me it’s the big bonfire. It was hard, because all bonfires were big (except for 3 that were small). But I walked, and then I saw someone waving, and it was her. So that is how I found the right bonfire. 

I went around, but there was no one that I knew. I said “hi” to John and gave him one of my Mexican Wrestler action figures as a present. I think he didn’t like it, but maybe that’s just because it was dark. If he looked at it now, I am sure he would like it.

I went around and looked for new friends. I found three! They had music. One of them was from Thailand and we became best friends. We talked about Thailand. 

I had a great time, because the fire was beautiful to look at. It was cold so the fire was nice to keep you warm. This is what the fire looked like:

Here I made a “thumbs up” to the fire to show it was good:

This is another photo of people by the fire. There were a lot of fire ashes flying around, but you can’t see them on the photo:

Later I got two marshmallows from someone on a stick and I burned them. They tasted good. I made my face really sticky though. 

Later it was still very cold. I wanted to go home. My friend from Thailand also wanted to go home, and his friend too. He has a car, so he drove us home, which was nice. It was a nice car too, but the extra seat in front was really far to the front and didn’t go back. That was uncomfortable. But it was warm, which was good. 

When I got home I went to bed because I was so sleepy. I had my last exam yesterday. Now I have 4 weeks holidays and I am excited to do something. I am going to watch Flight of the Conchords on the 28th, and then I am going on a camping trip with my friend Sophie and her friends at Big Sur. Then I want to drive somewhere and have some holiday time. 

poem or song about being long friends

I will never forget

How we once met

I say that without threat

Leaving my eyes teary wet

Our friendship went so far

Like the distance to the most distant star

Like the traveling of Bob Dylan’s guitar

It left so many feelings ajar

You mock me in the sweetest tone

Never leave my flaws alone

Because to loneliness I am prone

You lift me high up on a throne

Help me get back in the zone

With a mere typo on the phone

I dedicate this poem to someone who has a friend with a really long friendship like to a distant star and who mocks you lovingly. I dedicate this poem to Gille Klabin, who I met 20 years ago and is my close friend and who is in Cannes where he is selling a movie to become a good director and movie person.  

something about peter

Today I saw a short documentary about people on the internet that got famous. They showed the little boy who was at the dentist and then in the car, and the man who made the cat who plays on a keyboard. They also showed the guys who made the thing about “Stuff White People Like” and other people who I don’t remember because they weren’t really interesting. 

They said a lot of stuff, but basically their message was: you can only be famous on the internet if you don’t want to be famous on the internet but do it by accident. 

This theory is really interesting and wrong. I am going to tell you some more stuff on how to get famous on the internet (I already gave really good tips HERE). 

If you have a profile on Facebook or MySpace or YouTube or Hi5 or Friendster or ASW or Orkut or Tumblr or Twitter or Okcupid, you can do this:

You can chose a friend who lives in a country where you don’t know many people because you haven’t been there or because you don’t live there. You don’t have many friends in that country (or you can do city if it’s a really big country like America).

For example I have my good friend Peter. He is an anorexic twin and really nice. We talk a lot on Facebook where we are close friends. He lives in Paris which is a really artistic city, and I don’t know so many people in Paris. But I want people in Paris to look at my website! So I can post my website diary on his Facebook and his friends will look at it. 

But maybe not, because maybe they won’t click on your link because they don’t know you. So you can do something else:

You can write on your blog about your friend that lives somewhere else (like Peter who lives in Paris) and then you can post a link to it on his profile. Then you can tell people on his profile to look at the blog to see some information about your friend (Peter), like something secret for example. Then all his friends will be really interested to look at it, and go to your blog. 

Here is my secret about Peter (it’s good to hold it until the end of your post, because then they have to read everything until they know the secret): I don’t know a secret of Peter. It is just an example. But if I knew a secret I would write it here now. 

THIS is a poem I wrote about him.

some good inventions and good friends

I went to a big birthday party last night and I only knew two people, but it was okay because it was fun. I found a cool invention there that I never saw before, but I think it will catch on and become really famous. It was a menu, but there was light inside of it, so you could read it in the dark. It’s always hard for my mom to read menus in the dark, so I think she would like this invention. This is a photo of what it looked like:

Later I saw someone on the next table putting their fingers up and down the list. Maybe it is like an ipad and you can scroll through it, or maybe they were really drunk. It would be a cool invention if you could scroll through it too, but it’s cool with just the light also. (When you closed the menu, the light went off!!!)

Then I met good new friends who were having a bachelor party. They are from Philadelphia and I met a sweet boy who is called Mark or Marc or Marcus or Markus. First he said Marc/Mark, and I asked him with what letter, and he said with a K. But later when I told his soon-to-be brother in law that his name was Mark, Mark said his name was Marcus. With a C. So I’m confused. But we had a great time, and then everyone from the birthday who I didn’t know was gone, and my friend and I were alone, and it was about 1:30 AM which is super late in America, so we decided to go home also.

This is a man who was playing a trumpet on the stage or something. He posed for my photo. 

He was really nice and a good musician. 

Later I was home and went to bed, then I woke up at night and was hungry and I ate Special K (I eat that now because Frosted Flakes are really bad. Like for your health, not from the taste). And then I thought of another invention!

I am going to invent food in America that does not have “High-Fructose Corn Syrup” inside of it. Because here everything has High-Fructose Corn Syrup inside of it, and it’s actually really unhealthy. Also my Mini-Wheat Bites have it, and my Special K cereal too. Also Ketchup has it, and like every food in America. So I am going to invent food without it. I am still thinking about what though.

“do it yourself” - how to have a popular blog

Here are some tips on how you can tell people about your blog so it will be really popular. I wrote those and got really good responses, you can try them too, but I don’t know if it will for for you as well…

1) Facebook Updates: Those are really good, because all your friends on facebook always check people’s updates, and they will see what you wrote about your blog. You can try these:

- “I made a blog, just saying” (this one is good because it is very casual, but still it says that you made a blog. It will make your very close Facebook friends curious and comment on it a lot, and then more people will comment).

-  ”I‘m cyberly productive but no one cares” (that’s a good one, because everyone will say “but I care”, and then they will feel forced to ask about your blog).

- “holler at me if you want to see my cyber art diary” (this one will make some people answer with “holla” or “holler” because it is a moderately humorous thing to say, but when they do it, you can send them your blog).

- “you can HOLLER at me IF YOU WANT TO SEE MY CYBER ART DIARY BLOG just sayin” (this is like the one before, but more intense, but still kind of like “whatever” because you write “just sayin”, which is like you don’t even care because a lot of people see your blog anyway. I didn’t find it very helpful because no one commented on it or asked about it. But maybe it will work for you).

- “I have the most unpopular blog diary website page on the internet” (this is a good one because people will make jokes about how you are funny and stuff).

- ”I was on the gayest corner of da whole world!!!!” (this one is nothing about your blog, but if you live in San Francisco it is funny and true to say).

- “my cyber blog webpage talks about xxx who visited me and is a famous red-head. You can ask me for the link. I can give it to you. It is also about David Hasselhoff because he is famous.” (this can be a good one if you “tag” a friend, and he has a lot of friends who want to see what you wrote about him. But it didn’t work for me).

- I made a movie review on my website blog. It is a movie about what a man does after he is angry because people he did something to told on him, and their families get angry and hunt the man. It was fun. (this one is like a teaser to your blog. You should try and write about an interesting movie here, then they will look at your blog to see the review. It didn’t work for me).

- “I AM A POET I AM A REALLY GOOD POET I WROTE A POEM ON MY BLOG” (I don’t know, it didn’t work for me).

- “I wrote instructions on how to be a poet. If you want to be a poet, you should check out my blog” (this could be good, maybe if you have a lot of friends that are very “emo” and like poems. I got one comment. It was my friend who asked for my blog. But he already knew it). 

- “Become a poet because I teach you, YOU CAN READ INSTRUCTIONS to write a POEM on my website diary blog, it’s really EASY TO BECOME A POET and get GIRLS with it or friends” (didn’t work.).

- “super gossip on my blog” (this is good if you first make an update about Gossip Girl. Then it will be like you are the gossip girl too).

- “I am a poet and an artist with “computer” skillz” (someone asked me for my blog there!!!)

- “I am going to make an exhibition of my cyber art on “second life” and you need to pay like a zillion dollars to look at it, or you can do it for free on my website diary blog.” (this is like a teaser for your blog. people will think that you must have really good art, because a zillion dollars is really much, even in “second life”).

- “big news guyz: I am making a fashion blog website also, because people like it when I talk about fashion.” (I think for this to work, you need to have a lot of friends who like fashion. I don’t).

- “Ok guys, who wants to see my blog?” (this was one of my best ones!!! It was really short and to the point and made people ask about my blog).

- “I am not at home but I am still online with my blackberry so if you want to see my blog, let me know!!!! love u guys xxx” (this is good because people will see how serious you are if you also have a blackberry. And a new thing I learned is that you can always add ‘love you guys xxx’ to the end of everything so it will feel more personal to your friends).

2) Twitter updates: They are the same like with facebook, but you have to make them shorter. You can use “u” instead of “you”, “2” instead of “to”, “4” for “for”, “goin” as “going”, etc. (ask me for more if you want).

3) Photo updates: Those are good for both facebook and twitter. You can post photos and say that you can read about them in your blog or something. It will work.

4) Comments: You can comment on peoples post so they will think you are interested in what you say, and then ask “Do you want to see my blog?”. Best is to ask it after you have established an interesting two-way conversation. Then they can’t ignore it. This one actually works the best of all, and you can make new friends, because other people will see it, and they will also want to see your blog.

5) Friends: If you have a lot of friends, drop a lot of references about your blog when you talk to them. If they are good friends they will want to see your blog, or they will feel forced to see it.

If you follow these instructions, and you have a cool blog, you will have a famous blog soon.