I'm a cyber artist and this is my blog. You can look at my blog and see my drawings if you like art. If you are very romantic, you can look at my poems. If you want to know if you like something, you can read my reviews.
You can "ask" me something and I'll tell it to you.
You can see my FASHION BLOG here:
Check out my new JOKE BLOG over there:
You can hire me for some things like this:
You can see some of my art here:
SO MUCH POETRY ON HERE, guyz. See all my POEMS there:
EVERY poem and drawing and painting and photo and review and quote and idea and joke is by me, except if I say it's from someone.
It's my policy never to read my reviews.
The best poem I ever heard
Was a poem about a bird
It was the best poem, or second or third
Oh this poem, I couldn’t resist
Oh this poem, it doesn’t exist!
Anonymous asked: Why is London so shit, and why am I here instead of in San Francisco?
Your question is very interesting and unscientific, thank you for sharing it with me.
London is famous. Maybe it is one of the five or ten most famous places in the world. If you talk about London to someone, no one will ask you what animals live there because everyone knows that London is the famous country with the Queen. It has cool things like a clock, a wheel, music, shops and everything. It’s not shit, because it’s great.
Your question is interesting because you say something about San Francisco. I know San Francisco very well because I lived there. Did you ever live there? Sometimes people are sad because they can not live where they want to live, but it’s because maybe they have a job that isn’t there, or maybe they have a home that is somewhere else. Sometimes it’s hard to leave your home and go somewhere else because you are not allowed to do it. There are so many reasons why people can not go somewhere, but these are mostly all of them. It is so hard, and people get very sad about it.
My advice is that you think about your favorite thing at the place you want to go to, and then you think about why it is stupid to be your favorite thing. Maybe if you live in San Francisco, your favorite thing in London is to go on the wheel. That is the most stupid thing to like! And the reason is: you have to wait so long to go on it! The second reason is: it is the worst thing if you fall! So now if you want to go to London because you want to go on the wheel, now you hate it!
My second advice is to think about something where you are, that you hate. Like maybe you hate the wheel in London because you have to stand in line for so long and you can fall. Well, that is the most stupid reason to hate it! And this is the reason: it’s a wheel, and it’s the best invention by humans. Imagine no one invented the wheel! Everyone says it’s the most important thing. Oh, it’s okay if the wheel isn’t invented because cars are so bad for nature, right? But then imagine there is no letter O! The second good reason is: you can have a nice view from the top! It’s the nicest view maybe, and it would make you happy. There are more reasons, but these are mostly all of them.
So now you know a reason to hate something you love and love something you hate. Now if you use the advice you can think of so many reasons to think that San Francisco is shit and London is really good. You can use it on anything, like on a city or a film or a person. You can write it down so you can remember it, and you can put it somewhere you can see it a lot, like maybe on your door. If you see it a lot, you can remember it too.
I hope you feel better.
Last year in October I got an iPhone. The iPhone is the most important phone in history, except for the first phone and maybe the second and third and fourth phone until 100th phone or 1000th phone. It’s the best phone, because it can do a lot of things. One thing is that it can download lots of games.
When I got an iPhone I wanted to have a game too. I looked, and I found a game that was free and looked cool. It was the best game I ever had. This is a review of the game.
The game is called “Tiny Tower" and it’s not a game. It is a job. And your job is to build a tower for people so they can live and work there, and then build it even bigger so more people can live and work there. Then you have to get things for all your shops and your restaurants and your services and your creative offices.
If you are good, you can have many floors and a lot of money and happy people. If you are bad you are not playing it. I don’t know anyone that’s bad because everyone loves to play it.
I like “Tiny Tower” and the most important thing about it is that you can learn about the economy. Every floor that sells something has 3 things, and they are one cheap thing, one medium thing, and one expensive thing. And if you don’t know something, like how expensive it is to get your car fixed (like me), you can look at your car mechanic floor and see how much it is.
Maybe you need an oil change. That’s so expensive right? NO! It’s the cheapest thing you can buy on the mechanic floor and it only takes 60 minutes to get 900 of them, so imagine how short it is.
Maybe you need a new tire. Tires are made of rubber like a rubber band for example. That’s so cheap, right? NO! Because the tire is the second thing on the mechanic floor, so it’s much more expensive than the oil change. And if you go to your mechanic and ask him what is more expensive, he will tell you it’s true.
If you are a man you already know that. But imagine you want to build a house. You don’t know how much that costs, only an architect knows. So you could go to the architect floor. There you can see three items. You can make a “Room Addition.” That’s cheap for an architect, but it’s expensive compared to an oil change because it’s something creative (creative is always more expensive than a service or a shop or a restaurant). But it’s cheap compared to a “House Design” (number 2) or a “Tower Design” (number 3). So now you can decide if you want a new house or maybe just another room. Or, if you are very rich, a tower.
You can use this method for everything you want to do. If you go to the dentist and he wants a lot of money for a cleaning but not a lot of money for a gold crown, you know something is weird because the dentist floor says the cleaning is the cheapest!
This way you can always know the economy but also have fun and make a lot of money and build a big tower.
If you need to know what’s more expensive in a thing, you can ask me because I have all floors!
You can see more games and the company that makes the game here: http://nimblebit.com/
They have a good game it’s new and it’s called “Pocket Planes" and it’s about planes.
My good friends Sophie and Jason who are in love got married four days ago, and because they had a wedding, their families came to watch. It was good, because it was my first wedding. If I would give it a review, I’d give it a good one.
Today was the last night that Jason and Sophie’s families were in town, so we had a plan to drink cocktails and watch Sophie and Jason schmoop. We wanted to go to a place, which was the TONGA ROOM! The Tonga Room is a big significant location because I wrote a review of it HERE and Sophie’s family is a big fan of my review and kept reviewing it to me! (good reviewing). There was a lot of hype about the Tonga Room and everyone was excited to have cocktails there. But then: the Tonga Room was closed! I wasn’t there because I had to meet my good friend Patrick first, but everyone went to the Tonga Room and it was closed! I was worried, because I thought maybe it was my fault because I gave them a bad review, but then Sophie said it was because Joe Biden, who is the Vice President, was having dinner in the Tonga Room. A vice is something like a bad habit, and I think Joe Biden has a bad habit for food, because if you’re really rich and important, you probably don’t go to the Tonga Room because it’s a little lame.
The Tonga Room was closed so we had to go somewhere else, maybe also for dinner because everyone was hungry after the excitement of the closed Tonga Room (I think. I wasn’t there). Everyone was confused about where to go, and so the new plan was going to the Cheesecake Factory. If you are from England or Europe, like Sophie’s family Jessica and Sarie (like Harry or Hairy, but Sarie), the Cheesecake factory is cool. They have a lot of big food and salads and big cheesecakes. I remember that when I moved to the States the first time, I thought the Cheesecake factory was cool too because they had a lot of food and it was American. So the new plan was going to the Cheesecake Factory.
Have you ever gone to the Cheesecake Factory? Because one thing about the Cheesecake Factory is that everyone is there, all the time. Everyone was at the Cheesecake Factory again, and when we got there (now I was there too), we had to wait for a long time. One of their cool inventions is a piece of plastic. You order a table, and when your table is ready, your plastic vibrates and flashes red. Then you can come back from where you’ve been and can get your table. It’s a really good invention that I love. You can walk around, and then just come back when your plastic vibrates. It’s a little naughty too.
We waited a long time. Sophie was having a bad migrane and everyone was a little upset. I went outside on the balcony and someone took a photo of me with a flash! Then he ran away. I went inside and told everyone that someone “made a photo” of me, and then I noticed I said “made” instead of “took” and it was wrong, but I was too embarrassed to change it. No one said anything about it. Jessica was holding the plastic, and finally it started blinking! We got our table, it was for seven people. Before today, it would have been for twelve people because that’s how many people we were! But today we were seven and we got a table for all of us.
The Cheesecake Factory is a big restaurant with a lot of food. They have more food than Cheesecake, so their name is misleading. We looked at the menu for a long time. Everyone was hungry and overwhelmed by the choices! There are about 70 things to eat. That’s good if you want to order 69 things, but if you want to order one thing, you need to rule out ordering 69 things first. That’s a lot of deciding, and if you’re bad with decisions, you are probably going to have a hard time.
I couldn’t decide what to order, so I made everyone else order first. This is a trick I learned from not deciding what to order, but it’s also a bad trick because if you’re the last person to order and you still don’t know what you want to eat, you are under a lot of pressure because sometimes the waiter says he will come back later, and no one gets their food because you’re thinking of what to order, and everyone hates you. But it’s also bad because sometimes you order something you think you want because you are under pressure and everyone is looking at you, but you don’t really want it, and then you just hate yourself for ordering the wrong thing because it turns out everyone else ordered exactly what you wanted!
I ordered a burger. A burger is something to eat when you just don’t know what to get and you don’t want to spend a lot of money. But at the Cheesecake Factory they have about 20 burgers! Each one is different. Everyone was looking at me and I had to order my food, so I looked at the first burgers I saw, and ordered one of them. It had onions which I like and a wheat bun, which is like a healthy bun, which is important if you eat a burger. I was excited, because on Monday we went walking in Golden Gate Park and then on a hike, and I had a burger for lunch, and it was a burger from “Jenny’s Burger" which is delicious, and everyone was jealous of my burger because they got Burritos next door.
The Cheesecake Factory has more than 70 things to order. Maybe 150 or more. Maybe 200. Because they also have an extra menu that’s called “Skinnylicious” and it’s a diet menu from “skinny” and “delicious”. It’s a funny name and maybe an oxymoron. Skinny basically always means not delicious. Jason’s mom had a Skinnylicious Chicken Salad, and it looked delicious.
Everyones food came, and then my burger came. I looked at it and I was sad. I’ve had a lot of burgers in America because burgers were invented here and are really delicious. But this burger looked like I got it in Europe in a public pool. Burgers in Europe aren’t famous because they don’t really exist. And food in a public pool is always a little worse looking than the same food in a normal place. But food at the pool is also always the most delicious kind, because you’re hot and hungry and wet, and the food is very oily and yummy.
I looked at my burger, and was upset. Everyone had food that looked really nice and special, and my burger looked like a wheat baguette made from the same bread they serve you on your table for free! But then I ate it, and it was like a real pool burger - it tasted delicious! I ate my burger and loved it, and was happy I chose my burger!
The Cheesecake Factory is a funny place. It’s very big and American, and everything about it is delicious! It is a chain restaurant, so it is a little less special, but it’s a place with good food and big portions. If you don’t finish your food, you can take it home and finish it at home! In Europe you can’t do that because your portions are small and it’s rude. And if it’s not rude, it’s impossible because the restaurants don’t have a box for you to take your food home in. I didn’t take home my burger because I ate it all.
If you are from Europe, going to the Cheesecake factory is really good. If you are from America, going to the Cheesecake Factory is probably also very good, because everyone is there, always.
I am not very good at cooking food because I’m not a cook. But if I am hungry and I went shopping, sometimes I make myself a really good sandwich. But it’s not an American sandwich with really much stuff between two breads. It’s a sandwich that’s one bread (Jewish Rye or maybe a baguette) and butter on top and then Swiss cheese and then a red bell pepper. Then I sprinkle some salt on it. Usually you put the salt on the inside of the bell pepper (that’s how I learned it), but sometimes (in America) the salt falls off and doesn’t stick. That’s why you just put it on the cheese. Then, after all of this, you eat it. And it is delicious!!! It’s the best sandwich in the world!!!
This is a photo of it after I already ate it:
(It was so delicious looking that before I took a photo of it without eating it, I ate it!)
THIS is my best fan on the internet. He is so nice to me and asks for poems. I am going to write a poem about him soon. Also, I like his website because it is interesting when he doesn’t happen to be writing about baseball (I don’t like reading about baseball, but if you like baseball, you could probably read it too and you would enjoy it). You can write to him. Literally!
You are so high that you can’t walk
But you dance like a really good dancer
You’re in your groove
And in rhymes you talk
Like a really good rapper
You are wearing a cap and it’s on backwards
Public code for gangster
City code for lankster
Personal code for bad hair day
You greet many people in the station
Because you know them well
This is your daily commute
A pretty old route
After so many years of going on it
Sometimes you don’t even bother to sit
That’s how well you know it
The smell in the train is so familiar
Because it is usually so similar
But sometimes it is new
After someone threw up all over you
Or the train carpet
#3: instead of “bad” say “really good” or “not bad”