is this the more cooler version of a blog?

about bad jobs and new jobs

It is really hard to live and make money. That is why people do jobs. I like jobs, and I try to get them. But I am a “legal alien” in San Francisco - I am allowed to be here, and I live here, but I’m not a “citizen” because I’m not American. So basically I am not allowed to get a job. 

That’s really dumb and annoying, because I could really use the extra money to buy stuff. So I invented some “jobs” that I could do, and maybe get something in return. I described them HERE. 

It is sad, because I never got anyone who wanted me to do a job for them. That’s because the internet is like a digital reality, so everything that is real also happens on the internet. And do you know a lot of people who want a job and can’t find one? Because I know some, and they are sad too.

Many people who don’t get a job do something wrong, like they don’t do something, or they do something, and anyway - it’s wrong. Or maybe they aren’t good at what they do. I’m good at my jobs, but I think I don’t have anyone who wants to hire me because my jobs are already used. This is why no one hires me for the jobs I can do:

(You need to read my jobs first so you know what jobs I mean!)

1) Secret emails are the best thing on the planet. They are like a secret internet! If you have a secret internet, you can do anything! But before the internet did all the cool things, one of the most important things was emails. Basically, nothing in the internet was real except emails! It was like writing a letter before you did stuff like sending people parking tickets or bombs. It was just to have meetings and important things! So everyone has an email address, and if you use the internet, the first thing you get is an email address. Even someone who doesn’t use the internet sometimes has an email address. So everyone on the internet who reads my job, already has an email address and don’t need a new one. It’s not secret, but not everyone is famous so you don’t need a secret email address. I bet I know everyone’s email address - it’s their name!

2) Translating time is one of the most important things if you know someone who lives somewhere else, because it shows the person that you are interested about when they eat dinner. But everyone I know has a phone, and every phone I know has a menu that’s a clock, and every clock menu has one thing that can show you the time somewhere else. And if the person doesn’t know 24HRs, he can make it be in 12HRs. So if you have your phone, you can always see the time somewhere else. And if you don’t have your phone, you probably can’t contact me to ask me for the time somewhere. That’s why no one wants the job!

3) My third job is eating ginger from your sushi. I don’t know why this job doesn’t work. 

4) My other job is inventing quotes. Everyone likes quotes a lot, and they are famous. But a cool thing on the internet is when you say a quote on your profile and it’s funny and by someone famous and old or not alive. Sometimes people say quotes they invented themselves, but if you say your favorite quote is a quote you said, you are actually an asshole. So if someone would hire me to invent a quote they said themselves, then it is like hiring someone else to make you be a big asshole.

5) My last job was about being a scientist, because I could answer some questions. But one of the best things in the world is to be smart. When you are smart, you don’t need to ask many questions because you know the answers already. So if you give someone a job to answer something, it is like saying that you don’t know the answer, and no one likes to say they don’t know the answer to something, because it’s like saying: I don’t know! And have you ever heard someone say “I don’t know” and then you hate them? Because I did!

All my jobs are good, but this is why they don’t work. So I have new jobs, the jobs are:

- Inventing jokes. Everyone likes jokes, because my friend Jason once said the smartest thing I ever heard - it was that laughing is the realest thing in the world! Do you understand that? Because it’s true! So if you have a good joke, it’s the best thing in the world. You can look at my JOKE BLOG! It’s here: http://butt-jokes.tumblr.com/

- Directing something. Like a film or a video or a commercial. It’s my job, and I learned it at school and I like to do it. You can look at my films here: http://vimeo.com/tizia

If you want me to do a new job, you can ask me to do it here: http://tizia.tumblr.com/ask

Or if you want me to do an old job, I can do that too. You can ask me here: http://tizia.tumblr.com/ask

Thanks

Facebook has a new thing which is cool. It’s where you ask “questions” like in a status update, but then you have answers and you can click your answer instead of writing it. It’s good if you want to tell your friend the answer to a question, but maybe you are really busy right now. Like you need to go to a meeting, and usually you would write an answer, but because the meeting is so soon, you can’t write it. So instead you will either not answer, or, if it is a new question option question, you can quickly click on your answer!!! Or if the answer is not there yet, you can add your answer, and then other people can click on it to if they feel the same way and don’t have time to write an answer.

You can ask anything. One thing you can ask is what your friends favorite animal is. Or maybe if you should cut your hair, or if you should buy a fish costume. There are so many questions you can ask, like endlessly and forever, until you asked every question in the world (which is like impossible!!!!).

I asked my friends what’s cooler, an ant eater or a dinosaur! Everyone is saying dinosaur, but basically I think that’s because people think dinosaurs are cool. Ant eaters are nice too, they have a long bushy tail and a big nose and you can see them in the zoo.

But in my blog, you can also “ask” me a question that I can answer. But I will answer it in writing, not with an answer you can click on. You can ask me HERE. 

HERE is a list of jobs I can do, please don’t forget to ask me to do a job for you!

new job i can do

There is a new job I can do now, it’s this:

Is there something in the world that is really complicated, and you don’t know why it is that way? Probably you need a scientist to know the answers. But really not many people are scientists or are friends with people who are scientists. So basically, you have questions that you don’t know who to ask. So if you have a question about something really important (it could be about science or art or life), you can ask me about it, because I am a cyber-scientist. Many people always ask me to give them advice on my website because I like to help people. I can also help you solve mysteries. 

I know it is a bad time right now, so I don’t want to ask for any money. I can do it for free because my hobby is to help you!

You can “ask” me HERE.

my job to draw someone famous

My really good and famous friend James Hersey is a good musician in Europe, because he makes really nice and good music. He is a really good singer and songwriter, and he asked me to draw one of his photos from his concert because he really likes my art and wants to profit from my fame. I said I will draw him. I am so excited, because it is my job!!!! 

If you want me to draw you, I can do so. I can draw you for 50 dollars or for free, or maybe for something else. But probably for free or something else. Or 50 dollars if you can afford it. Or more. You can also hire me for a lot of OTHER JOBS, but they are more expensive because they are professional jobs. 

(ps: James is also on facebook, you can be his fan HERE).
(You can also look at his video a bit HERE. It’s really nice).

hire me - for this also

Hey guyz,

I posted a big thing the other day, about jobs you can hire me for because I need money. It is HERE. But I have a new job you can hire me for now. This is it:

Inventing Quotes

I am smart above the average and know a lot about “metaphors” and other things like that. It’s an analogy between two ideas or something. Or a “simile” and stuff. So I am really good with inventing quotes that are deep because they mean something. 

This is a quote I invented:

“I have my life on upside down”

It’s funny, because you can’t have on your life. It’s like a kind of a metaphor, because it’s like: you can have your hat on upside down, or also your glasses. But your life is like a thing that’s not physical, so it can’t even physically be upside down. I invented the quote to mean something more deep. You can use it for when your life is being really crazy and funny, or really weird, and you feel lost and like your head is spinning and everything is upside down!! 

I can invent other quotes too, like about life, or about being happy or really sad. I can invent a metaphor or I can “anthropomorphize” things, which is when you give something that isn’t a human person a characteristic like a human person. 

This is an anthropomorphistic quote I invented:

“My laptop feels overwhelmed in the multi-tasking of my life”

If you want more quotes, please write me and I’ll give you more. It could be my job. Quotes are really good for facebook updates because they sound smart and mean something. You can use me to make your quote about anything, but please quote me.

PS: My hundredth post, guys!!!!

hire me

I am a student and I need a lot of money to buy things I don’t need. So I am letting you know what job positions I am going to do for you if you hire me:

1) Secret Emails: I can invent secret names for emails, so that someone who is a celebrity can have an email address that no one will think belongs to them, because it is invented. This is an example: 

If I was really bad at inventing them, Leonardo DiCaprio would have this email: “onthefrontofaboat@hostname.com” or “retardedpersonasakid@hostname.com”. Everyone would know them, because they are the two first email addresses you would think about if you would invent an email address for Leonardo DiCaprio. They are references to two of his famous movies. I could invent this one: “personwithblondehairbutnothandsome@hostname.com”, because no one would ever call Leonardo not handsome, so it would be a secret. Only people who know him would know the email address, which is good if you are a famous celebrity. 

PS: it is not his real email address. 

2) Translating Time: A lot of businesses in the United States know businesses in Europe with people they need to communicate with. There are always two really big problems: one is that if it is morning in the USA, it is night in Europe. You need to know a good time to call Europe so you don’t wake them up. I have a new watch, and one on my phone, so I can have two time zones, and always tell you which one it is. I know all time zones in Europe by heart! 

Also: in Europe they use “24HR” time format. That’s when the clock goes to 12PM and then to 13PM instead of 1PM. Then at midnight it is 24PM or 00AM. A lot of people in the United States don’t know that, and when they read George Orwell’s “1984”, they think that something is weird when he wrote “the clocks were striking thirteen”. It actually just means it is “1PM” in Europe. I know all the times of the 24HR mode, so I can always tell you what time it is in Europe when someone says it is 17PM - it is actually 5PM.

3) Ginger Face: Everyone likes sushi a lot. It is a famous dish in everywhere, but not really so famous in Japan (I know because I’ve been). But a lot of people don’t like to eat the ginger that comes with your sushi. Usually you need to tell the people in the sushi restaurant that you don’t want any ginger (because it is a standard to get the ginger with your sushi), but sometimes you forget or you are busy and talking to someone and can’t talk to the waiter that much or maybe you are a famous person that doesn’t talk to people that are waiters, and just points at the menu you want.

If I am there, I can eat your ginger. I used to not like ginger because it tastes the way that perfume smells, but now I am more mature and I like ginger so much, I eat it all the time if I can. I always eat my friends ginger and then I ask for more. So if you want, I can always eat your ginger on your sushi. 

If you want to hire me, write me here: http://tizia.tumblr.com/ask