is this the more cooler version of a blog?

Anonymous asked: Why is London so shit, and why am I here instead of in San Francisco?

Hi,

Your question is very interesting and unscientific, thank you for sharing it with me.

London is famous. Maybe it is one of the five or ten most famous places in the world. If you talk about London to someone, no one will ask you what animals live there because everyone knows that London is the famous country with the Queen. It has cool things like a clock, a wheel, music, shops and everything. It’s not shit, because it’s great. 

Your question is interesting because you say something about San Francisco. I know San Francisco very well because I lived there. Did you ever live there? Sometimes people are sad because they can not live where they want to live, but it’s because maybe they have a job that isn’t there, or maybe they have a home that is somewhere else. Sometimes it’s hard to leave your home and go somewhere else because you are not allowed to do it. There are so many reasons why people can not go somewhere, but these are mostly all of them. It is so hard, and people get very sad about it. 

My advice is that you think about your favorite thing at the place you want to go to, and then you think about why it is stupid to be your favorite thing. Maybe if you live in San Francisco, your favorite thing in London is to go on the wheel. That is the most stupid thing to like! And the reason is: you have to wait so long to go on it! The second reason is: it is the worst thing if you fall! So now if you want to go to London because you want to go on the wheel, now you hate it!

My second advice is to think about something where you are, that you hate. Like maybe you hate the wheel in London because you have to stand in line for so long and you can fall. Well, that is the most stupid reason to hate it! And this is the reason: it’s a wheel, and it’s the best invention by humans. Imagine no one invented the wheel! Everyone says it’s the most important thing. Oh, it’s okay if the wheel isn’t invented because cars are so bad for nature, right? But then imagine there is no letter O! The second good reason is: you can have a nice view from the top! It’s the nicest view maybe, and it would make you happy. There are more reasons, but these are mostly all of them.

So now you know a reason to hate something you love and love something you hate. Now if you use the advice you can think of so many reasons to think that San Francisco is shit and London is really good. You can use it on anything, like on a city or a film or a person. You can write it down so you can remember it, and you can put it somewhere you can see it a lot, like maybe on your door. If you see it a lot, you can remember it too. 

I hope you feel better. 

me and mr. jackson

Samuel L Jackson is a very famous actor, and everyone knows how he looks like because he wears a Kangol hat and he is black. 

Today I was at my gym. Then I finished, and I went to talk to the people of my gym at the front desk about something. Then Samuel L Jackson came into my gym! Of course I immediately recognized him from an earlier encounter in Mendocino and my intense character study of him during “Celebrity Blind Date.” And also because of his signature hat.

In Mendocino, which is a city on the coast of Northern California, my friends Sophie, Jason, Carolyn, Heinz and I were walking. We walked and we were very hungry, or we were very full because we just ate mussels. One of them. Then we walked, and I saw Samuel L Jackson! He was standing on the street with his dog. His dog is a blonde “Labrador Retriever,” which is a famous dog everywhere. I knew it was Samuel L Jackson, because Samuel L Jackson is famous for wearing a black hat from Kangol all the time! I told my friend Jason that I just saw Samuel L Jackson (because the others were walking really fast, maybe we all had to pee). He looked at Samuel L Jackson (by now we were far away) and he said “That’s not Samuel L Jackson.” No one believed me that I just saw Samuel L Jackson.

Later that day, we had dinner and played the game “Celebrity Blind Date” which was a game Sophie invented. In the game, someone has to think of a celebrity, and then the others have to think of a celebrity too, but of the opposite gender, and then you need to pretend to be the celebrity and answer the questions the first celebrity asks so the celebrity can decide which celebrity to date. My celebrity was Samuel L Jackson. Actually I don’t know a lot about Samuel L Jackson except that he is a man and he is black and he wears a Kangol beret all the time. But because my celebrity was Samuel L jackson, it was like a character study. His answer to most questions was very manly and about a hat.

Kangol is a company that is famous for its hats and has a kangaroo as a logo. It is mainly famous because Samuel L Jackson wears a hat from the company. So when I saw the man in Mendocino wearing the Kangol hat, I knew it was Samuel L Jackson because Samuel L Jackson is maybe the only person in the world that wears Kangol berets aside from any black person who wants to look like Samuel L Jackson.

So I was standing in the gym, and Samuel L Jackson came inside. I was surprised to see Samuel L Jackson again after our brief encounter in Mendocino. But I was very busy waiting for my paper work from the guy at the counter, so I didn’t say Hi to him. Then the woman in the counter noticed that Samuel L Jackson was waiting for someone to check him in, and it’s really impolite to make people wait if they are famous, so she turned to him and told him “Jackson, right? I got you!” and then she gestured him to go inside and start his work out. 

Samuel L Jackson is nice, but he is not in his target weight range. I think he is a little chubby, so he has to go to the gym. Maybe it is because he ate a lot of mussels in Mendocino. With some dedication in his work outs, Samuel L Jackson will be less chubby.

attention: new poem!

Last night I went to a nice bar with my friend who is also from Austria. The place was called “Starlight Room”. It’s really romantic and a lot of people came with their boyfriends and girlfriends, so it was nice, because everyone was in love. It has a really nice view and really expensive drinks. And they have a band. The band was playing 80s songs, a lot of people danced. Then my friend’s friends came and all drank a drink called “Cable Car”. It’s good because it has cinnamon on the glass rim. Then we went to the dance floor because it has such a nice view of San Francisco. I took a photo of it but it’s not so nice because my Blackberry doesn’t take nice photos. Soon I will get an iphone when Verizon gets the new iphones, I am so excited! I am going to get THIS “app”.

The view was so nice, so I was really inspired to write poems about it. I’m a really good poet but it’s been a while since I wrote a poem. But last night I wrote FOUR! Here is my first poem:

“Poem about view”

This view
Is so poetic
And nice
It has lights
It’s nice

location review - alcatraz

Last year I went to Alcatraz once. It’s a big island with an old prison on it. Once it was a real prison, but now it is like a museum (it is in the waters of San Francisco). It was such a nice place with a lot of rooms. It was so interesting and good. I went there for the first time in my life, but: I knew the place really well, like I had been there before (like I was a prisoner there once, for example). But basically, you can’t have old lives, becuz you can only live one time. But then I found out why I knew it so well: it was a location in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4! It’s a game I had on playstation, and it is a skating game (Tony Hawk is a famous skateboarder). I liked the game a lot, and I played it all the time, I was really good at it. The level in Alcatraz was like Alcatraz, everything was the same!!!! Even the little car that drove up the hill with tourists was there, and the old building that was broken down. 

If you go to Alcatraz, you should play the game first becuz you will get to know the island better (in the game you can go to places where you are not allowed to go in reality!!!). Then you have to call the people from the Alcatraz boat company first, and reserve a place. They are always booked out, so you need to do that. Sometimes they are booked out really long before, like a week or something!!! But this is really important: there is only one company that can book the trip, becuz only they can go to Alcatraz. But so many people will come up to you and offer you an “Alcatraz Tour”, but they actually don’t take you on the island, just around it (they are not allowed to go on the island!!!!!). So if you call the real tour (HERE), you can make a tour. You can make an evening tour and then you can see the sunset which is nice!

The tour is about three hours and really interesting (you can listen to stuff people say on your listening tool). It has a lot of back story, like people who tried to run away (but it’s an island so they couldn’t!!!!) and Indians who took the island. It is really windy there so you need to dress warm. 

I recommend you to go because it is nice to look at, and many people never go to prison, so you can basically see what it would be like to go to prison. Maybe if you see it you will try to avoid doing stuff to go to prison. Here are some photos:

This is what the rooms of the prisoners looked like. It’s really uncomfortable and they didn’t have privacy when they wanted to go to the toilet. The people in the cell across would see him go to the toilet.

Those are some prison cells. They had so many so they could have a lot of prisoners at the same time (everyone had their own room).

This was their courtyard where they could walk around and play sports. Every prison has a courtyard and a lot of prison movies play in the courtyard of a prison, because it’s like where the prisoners get social (because it’s the only place where they are all together). It’s the most important thing in prison movies because otherwise the movies would just be people alone in their cell all the time, and they couldn’t really talk or plan to escape.

Basically the prisoners couldn’t go out becuz they were locked in their rooms. But they could sometimes have people visiting, but because many of the prisoners were dangerous, they had to keep a thick glass between them and the visitors. This is a photo of what it would have looked like if the prisoner had a visitor. 

(Actually I don’t know if it was for visitors, but it was a thick glass and I’ve seen it in prison movies, so I invented that)

They have a big American Flag on the island so people remember they are in the country of a lot of freedom. Behind the flag is a nice view of San Francisco. This was the “evening tour”, so this photo is shortly before sundown. 

restaurant review - piraat pizzeria

There is a pizzeria that is close to my home, called “Piraat Pizzeria”. One time I ordered a large pizza from there and it was really large (because in America, everything that is large is larger) and not very good. I always thought that maybe the place is Dutch or Belgian, because it has two “a” in “pirat”, but there is nothing Dutch or Belgian about the place.

Sometimes I would walk past it and have a slice of pepperoni (salami) pizza. I never liked it. Today my friend and I had class, and we had another class soon, but we still had to take the bus there, so we wanted to eat. We went inside because we wanted to eat pizza (because we are both from Europe and think Subway is stupid). 

We got a pizza with salami (pepperoni) and feta cheese. That is usually a really good combination. We wanted to share it and eat it on the bus on our way to class. We got it and we ate it on the bus. It really didn’t taste good. It was borderline inedible and very disgusting. 

If you want to eat a pizza, don’t go there, because their pizza’s are so bad.

I am so sad because on Saturday I went out with my friend because we wanted to go to a party, but then there were two underaged boys and they played a song for us on the street and we got really good friends with them, and we went into a bar, and then they had to go somewhere because someone called them, and they wanted to come back, but then they didn’t come back for so long, and the bar started to be really stupid, so we decided to leave and we never saw our friends again. How can I find our friends again?

a man i worry about

There is a man I worry about
He looks at me intensely
He asks me funny questions about
My life and my aunt Nancy

When I pass his shop I usually hide
Afraid that he might ask me inside
To look at all the things he’s got
Which I don’t want to have

There is a man I worry about
He makes me wonder strongly
He tells me tragic stories about
Moments where he acted wrongly

Sometimes I pass and I catch his eye
While trying so hard to just pass by
And he greets me from the doorway
In the most peculiar way

There is a man I worry about
He smiles at me so friendly
He gives me creepy compliments about
Good wishes he wants to send me

Whenever I go there and he is around
I try to leave without a sound
But he has the hearing of a hound
And greets me very friendly

crack poetry series continued

You are so high that you can’t walk
But you dance like a really good dancer
You’re in your groove
And in rhymes you talk
Like a really good rapper

You are wearing a cap and it’s on backwards
Public code for gangster
City code for lankster
Personal code for bad hair day

You greet many people in the station
Because you know them well
This is your daily commute
A pretty old route
After so many years of going on it
Sometimes you don’t even bother to sit
That’s how well you know it

The smell in the train is so familiar
Because it is usually so similar
But sometimes it is new
After someone threw up all over you
Or the train carpet

See instructions to be a poet HERE and more crack poetry HERE