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about time

OMG guyz, someone asked me this in my comments:

before i will hire you, i need to know the following:
1) when time is fleeting, can you still translate it? 
2) what if time has expired?
3) do you tranlate past-, or present time?
4) what is your experience in translating time-warps?
5) time = money. can you translate money too?
6) do you usually trans late, or early?
7) if i´d be ahead of my time, how would you translate me?

Thank you for asking me these things, because you want to hire me. I will answer them now.

1) When I went to school I had a lot of English classes. I learned about symbolism and personification and metaphors and similes and anthropomophization. I don’t know which this one is, but I think it is a personification - time cannot flee! Time always goes the same time, so it can’t run away (to flee is to run away quickly because of danger). Time can only go as fast as its fastest unit, so basically one second is the fastest it can ever go. If one second passes, I can translate that too. So the answer is yes.

2) I was thinking of how to explain this. I am going to use a simile! Time is like the universe. It is endless! It always goes on and it always goes into the future and never back, so it will always be new. Basically that means that time can never expire, because this moment (and this, and this) is happening right now, and it can’t get old! 

3) This is an interesting question. Time is always the same unit, past and present. So if you ask me about time in the past, it will follow the same principle as time in the present. That means I can translate both - past time and present time.

4) One time I had to do a big presentation in class. It was about movies in the horror genre. During this presentation I made the dance that is called “time-warp” to symbolize a movie that is a horror film. The big thing was that someone had to guess what movie it is from the dance (it was “Rocky Horror Picture Show”). Someone guessed it, I think because I did it correctly. That is my experience with time-warp, but if it is important for you I can do it some more.

5) Money is really different to time. Money has so many units and everyone has a different one, and some places have the same. I can not translate money, but if you want to I can look for someone who can do that. 

6) I can do both. Usually I do early, because I think it is more serious and polite to do. 

7) This question is like the first. It’s a metaphor. You cannot physically be ahead of time, because time is always now, and you can’t be after now. If you would be after now, you would be in the future, and basically you can’t go to the future because it only exists after now, and you have to wait for now to be over. It is a really difficult concept to understand, but if you want to know more about this I can try to explain it to you. 

Thank you so much for these questions, please think about hiring me, I would be so happy!

PS: you commented in the wrong box.

hire me

I am a student and I need a lot of money to buy things I don’t need. So I am letting you know what job positions I am going to do for you if you hire me:

1) Secret Emails: I can invent secret names for emails, so that someone who is a celebrity can have an email address that no one will think belongs to them, because it is invented. This is an example: 

If I was really bad at inventing them, Leonardo DiCaprio would have this email: “onthefrontofaboat@hostname.com” or “retardedpersonasakid@hostname.com”. Everyone would know them, because they are the two first email addresses you would think about if you would invent an email address for Leonardo DiCaprio. They are references to two of his famous movies. I could invent this one: “personwithblondehairbutnothandsome@hostname.com”, because no one would ever call Leonardo not handsome, so it would be a secret. Only people who know him would know the email address, which is good if you are a famous celebrity. 

PS: it is not his real email address. 

2) Translating Time: A lot of businesses in the United States know businesses in Europe with people they need to communicate with. There are always two really big problems: one is that if it is morning in the USA, it is night in Europe. You need to know a good time to call Europe so you don’t wake them up. I have a new watch, and one on my phone, so I can have two time zones, and always tell you which one it is. I know all time zones in Europe by heart! 

Also: in Europe they use “24HR” time format. That’s when the clock goes to 12PM and then to 13PM instead of 1PM. Then at midnight it is 24PM or 00AM. A lot of people in the United States don’t know that, and when they read George Orwell’s “1984”, they think that something is weird when he wrote “the clocks were striking thirteen”. It actually just means it is “1PM” in Europe. I know all the times of the 24HR mode, so I can always tell you what time it is in Europe when someone says it is 17PM - it is actually 5PM.

3) Ginger Face: Everyone likes sushi a lot. It is a famous dish in everywhere, but not really so famous in Japan (I know because I’ve been). But a lot of people don’t like to eat the ginger that comes with your sushi. Usually you need to tell the people in the sushi restaurant that you don’t want any ginger (because it is a standard to get the ginger with your sushi), but sometimes you forget or you are busy and talking to someone and can’t talk to the waiter that much or maybe you are a famous person that doesn’t talk to people that are waiters, and just points at the menu you want.

If I am there, I can eat your ginger. I used to not like ginger because it tastes the way that perfume smells, but now I am more mature and I like ginger so much, I eat it all the time if I can. I always eat my friends ginger and then I ask for more. So if you want, I can always eat your ginger on your sushi. 

If you want to hire me, write me here: http://tizia.tumblr.com/ask